SOME SUFFER FROM GUILT AND SHAME BECAUSE OF ANOTHER'S SIN

"...the shame of feeling polluted not by your own sins, but by the sins of others. The shame of the innocent misused, abused, dirtied not by their own will and own desires, but by those of another. It is the shame of the rape victim, the beaten spouse, the molested child. Like the smell of second-hand cigarette smoke clings to the non-smoker, so this stench of shame clings to the innocent, ever reminding them of how others have breathed upon them the smoke of their iniquities. It is as real, if not more real, than the shame we feel when we've done something wrong. In fact, most often, we feel guilty because of it, as if we invited this horror into our lives."

-Chad Bird, A Victim's Shame

"Jesus is a suffering savior who knows what it is to be abused, and to be abandoned. We have no scars that Jesus cannot see and we have no wounds that he cannot heal."

-Matthew Spandler-Davison, How the Cross Offers Healing for Victims of Abuse

SIN USHERS SHAME INTO THE WORLD

Genesis 2:25

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Genesis 3:7-8

7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. 8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

"Guilt says, 'I made a mistake.' Shame says, 'I am a mistake'."

“Guilt can be productive; it's our conscience prompting us to make things right. But shame? Shame tells us we're beyond help, beyond hope, and beyond God's grace. That's never true.”

-Michael Dimarco, No Shame: Building And Living In A House Of Grace, Fusion Family, March/April 2025

2 Corinthians 7:8-10

8 For even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it—though I did regret it, for I see that that letter grieved you, though only for a while. 9 As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. 10 For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

A. TO CONVICT US OF SIN

John 16:8

And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment:

B. TO EXPOSE OUR SIN

2 Samuel 12:5-7a

5 Then David's anger was greatly kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserves to die, 6 and he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.” 7 Nathan said to David, “You are the man!"

“Why did God expose the sins of David? He was unrepentant, he was lying and hiding his sin, and God wanted to restore order where it was lost. His purpose in exposing David’s sin was to restore fellowship so David could continue to walk in all God had for him as king of Israel. David’s sin cut him off from God. In exposing that sin and leading David to repentance, God was mending and repairing their broken relationship, God’s heart was to bring David back to himself.”

-Shannon Primicerio, Escaping a Lifetime of Shame: No Longer Fearing the Past That Haunts You, THE BRINK March/April 2025

C. TO FORGIVE AND RESTORE

1 John 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Hebrews 8:12

For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.”

Hebrews 2:11

For the one who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one Father. That is why Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters,

John 8:7b

Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.

“As parents and church leaders, we're called to be first responders to shame inducing moments— whether it's our own failures, those of our children or the struggles of others in our community. Our homes and churches should serve as houses of grace, offering shelter and healing to those weighed down by shame.”

-Michael Dimarco, No Shame: Building And Living In A House Of Grace, Fusion Family, March/April 2025

FOSTERING A CHURCH ENVIRONMENT THAT PROMOTES HEALING

A. Create a Safe Space for Honesty

B. Develop Clear Paths for Restoration

“True restoration isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about allowing God to use even our failures as part of our testimony. Sometimes, our greatest ministry comes from our deepest wounds.”

-Michael Dimarco

C. Listen Without Fixing

CONFESS & REPENT

Romans 10:9-11

9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. 11 For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”

1 John 2:28

And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming.

Psalm 103:8-12

8 The Lord is merciful and gracious,

  slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

9 He will not always chide,

  nor will he keep his anger forever.

10 He does not deal with us according to our sins,

  nor repay us according to our iniquities.

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,

  so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;

12 as far as the east is from the west,

  so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

• "Your failure is an event, not your identity."
• "God's grace is bigger than any mistake, no matter how public."
• "The community that saw your failure can also witness your restoration."

--Michael Dimarco